How to Be Happy
Happiness is not a simple goal, but is about making progress, when it's as elusive as ever. Being happy often means continually finding satisfaction, contentment, a feeling of joy, and a sense that your life is meaningful during all kinds of problems â that does not depend upon finding ease or comfort. [1] Nobody is jolly or elated all the time, but some individuals are definitely more fulfilled/fortunate than others. Some studies reveal that happiness has little to do with comfort or possessions â so what is it about? A sense of well being/happiness is good for your health, so what can we do to have that? [2] Read on to learn how to be happier.
Steps Edit
Method One of Three:
Developing a Happy Outlook Edit
Change your thoughts. People have a natural tendency to remember negative experiences but forget positive ones; however, thanks to adaptability (neuroplasticity), you can actually change the way your brain functions. You can train yourself to be happier by seeking self-actualizing work and your kind of fun. [3]
- Practice mindfulness. Occupy your mind with positive thoughts, actively striving, seeking, working on goals and humming a tune, for happy effects on the mind and body. Focusing on your experiences in the present moment without judging them or yourself can help you become more compassionate to yourself and to others. [4] [5]
- Meditate. Activities that promote meditation, including an extended peaceful prayer, yoga, Tai Chi, or spiritual reflection, actually change an area of your brain called the insula, which is involved in your experience of empathy/understanding others. Developing your empathy muscles (helping others) will help you lead a happier life. [6]
- Make small events into appreciated âexperiences.â Focus on and preserve the great little moment in a photo, write a journal or Facebook entry or make a short video. Make awareness of a gorgeous sunny day; accept a compliment from a friend. Why â this will train your brain to be happier by actively acknowledging the beauty of small moments and turning them into memorable âexperiences.â
- Smile a little, hop, skip and sing in those moments, and they will not slip so quietly through the cracks of memory. Say, "Thank you, so much!"; perhaps, write thank you notes on Facebook, use text, email or snail mail, appreciating people in a big way.
- Accept harsh experiences and problems as learning opportunities. It can be tempting to let challenges or roadblocks keep us from feeling happy. Sometimes, it looks like thereâs nothing good about a particular situation or experience. However, itâs important to think about even the greatest setbacks as experiences we can learn from for great results in the future/tomorrow.
- Don't give up on your ideas. "Try, fail often, get over it quickly," says Myshkin Ingawale, in a 2012 TED talk. He discussed his inventing small, inexpensive blood-oxygen and hemoglobin diagnostic technology that now help save womenâs lives in rural India. Many ideas were not successful at first. But instead of allowing himself to give up or see these challenges as failures, he used them as learning experiences for his next attempt. Now, his handheld invention for blood analysis has helped reduce maternal deaths from anemia and complications in rural India by 50%. [9]
- Refocusing on the positive can help you heal from traumas. [10]
- There is power in intentions, having a purpose: Positive thinking is an important component of self-esteem and overall life satisfaction. [12] Optimism also tends to make your personal and work relationships better. [13]
- Optimism is more than just positive expectations. Itâs a way of interpreting everything that happens to you. [14] Pessimism tends to explain the world in global, unchangeable, internal terms: âEverything sucks,â âI canât do anything to change this,â âItâs all my fault.â Developing an optimistic outlook means thinking about yourself and your world in limited, flexible terms. [15]
- For example, a pessimistic outlook might say, âIâm terrible at math. Iâm going to fail that test tomorrow. I might as well just watch TV.â This statement suggests that your math skills are inherent and unchangeable, rather than a skill you can develop with work. Such an outlook could lead you to study less because you feel like thereâs no point to it â youâre just an inherently bad mathematics student. This isnât helpful.
- An optimistic outlook would say something like âIâm concerned about doing well on that test tomorrow, but Iâm going to study as well as I can and do my best.â Optimism doesnât deny the reality of challenges, but it interprets how you approach them differently.
- âBlind optimismâ isnât any healthier than pessimism. To go skydiving on your own without any preparation or training because youâre optimistic about your abilities is obviously a bad idea that could lead you to injury. True optimism acknowledges the reality of situations and equips you to face them. [16]
- Some people are naturally higher in âtrait gratitude,â or the natural likelihood of feeling thankful. However, you can train yourself to develop an âattitude of gratitudeâ no matter how high or low your level of trait gratitude is. [22]
- Try to avoid approaching situations or people as if you âdeserveâ anything from them. This doesnât mean that you have to put up with disrespect or being mistreated, but it does mean that you should try to take people as they are without feeling âentitledâ to specific benefits or actions. [23]
- Accumulate all the little joyful things that happen to you during the day. They add up. You could keep a journal, and write them down. For example, if there was not bad traffic on the road, if you had a very scrumptious breakfast if your friend said something uproariously humorous that made you laugh, if you took your dog out for a walk in the park and played with it, add these together. Youâll probably find that you have more to be grateful for than you even realized. [24]
- Share your gratitude with others. A word of thanks, even a brief one, can make someone else feel appreciated. Sharing your gratitude with others also helps you remember what youâre thankful for. [25]
- Let the good things sink in. Itâs not enough to just note good things when they happen. Really take the time to think about them and let those experiences sink into your memory. Consciously telling yourself, âThis is a wonderful moment and I want to remember how grateful I feel for itâ can help you store up these memories for when times get tough. [26]
- Research suggests that when you are consciously aware of your values, youâre more likely to act in accordance with them. [29] Take a little time and reflect on what is most important and meaningful in your life. You can think about times when you felt happiest or most satisfied and what the common factors in those situations may be, for example. [30]
- Often, employeesâ dissatisfaction with their jobs can be traced back to a mismatch in core values. If your company doesnât value the same things you do, youâll feel unhappy even if you like your work. [31]
- Begin by imagining yourself in the future, when you have gotten to where you want to be. Pick a few goals and imagine that you have achieved them. Make sure theyâre personally meaningful, not external markers of status.
- Visualize what this future-you is like. Imagine all the details of what success looks like. For example, if your dream has always been to be a musician, what does success look like for you? How much do you work? Who do you work with? What do you create? How do you feel about your work?
- Write down all the details of this scenario. Then, imagine what characteristics you will need to use to get you there. For example, becoming a successful musician probably requires things like perseverance, creativity, patience, and energy.
- Consider which of these traits and skills you already have. You may even surprise yourself with what you already know and can do. When you notice traits or skills that need further development, think about ways you can build up those things.
- Manage stress by prioritizing and doing what's more important promptly. Practice deep breathing, exercising and getting enough rest. Even a few minutes a day can make a difference. Do more things to protect your health and make goals/choices that lead to success including stronger relationships and better careers. Start your day with positive affirmations, such as âI accept myself today for who I amâ or âI am a person worthy of love and respect.â [36]
- Take short âself-compassionâ breaks throughout the day. For example, if youâre really swamped with work you might feel overwhelmed or guilty. Use mindfulness to acknowledge how youâre feeling: âI am feeling stressed right now because I have so much to do.â Next, acknowledge that everyone experiences these feelings from time to time: âIâm not alone in feeling this. Itâs a natural feeling.â Finally, give yourself a quick compassion boost, such as saying something positive to yourself: âI am capable of getting this done. I can focus and work hard. I am a valuable person on this team.â [37]
- Challenge negative thoughts. Weâre often our own worst critics. It can be easy to lapse into self-criticism. Instead, challenge negative thoughts when they show up. For example, if youâre on a diet but had some popcorn at the movies, a self-criticizing thought could be âI ate that popcorn. Iâm such a failure on this diet.â Challenge this by showing yourself compassion and making a plan for what youâll do differently: âI ate that popcorn and it wasnât part of my healthy eating plan. This isnât a failure, and I am not âbadâ for having had a treat. I will be more mindful of what I eat the rest of the day.â [38]
- If you have the resources available to you, consider seeking counseling from a licensed professional. The counselor can help you work through the past trauma or painful memories in healthy and safe ways. [40] A counselor can also make referrals for you if you or the counselor feels an anti-depressant medication (for use temporarily or long term depending on your situation) is appropriate for your case. There is nothing wrong with seeking help! If you are feeling really embarrassed or self-conscious about seeing a counselor, you should know they are bound by very strict privacy and confidentiality laws. No one has to know you are receiving therapy except you and your counselor or doctor. Working through past traumas with a counselor may be difficult at the time, but it will greatly increase your quality of life in the long run.
- Many communities and universities offer therapy through low-cost public clinics. Check in your area to see if this is an option.
- Common treatments for trauma include cognitive-behavioral therapy, talk therapy, exposure therapy, and pharmacotherapy. [41] These therapies can help you learn new ways of thinking and responding to situations and process your feelings.
- If you donât have access to professional counseling services, you could try using self-help books at your local library or talking to someone you trust about your feelings. Religious ministers and support groups are often places to go for free support. Often just the act of talking things out with someone you love and trust and who will support is a healing act in itself.
- The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is: 1-800-273-8255
- The Crisis Center Hotline is: 775-784-8090 or text ANSWER to 839863.
Method Two of Three:
Living Happily Edit
Own yourself. This means to accept and embrace your habits, your personality, the way you talk/look, your voice â everything that makes you âyou.â Remember that youâre a unique person who has value and is worthy of love and respect. Learning to be comfortable with yourself will help you project confidence to others and live a happier life.
- Donât apologize for traits that are part of you, like your personality, your voice, or habits. If there are traits you want to change, make sure youâre doing it for you and not because you feel like someone else has told you to. Make your decisions based on your values, not what others have declared you âshouldâ do or be. [42]
- Love your body. Itâs unfortunate that in todayâs world, both men and women are bombarded with images of how weâre âsupposedâ to look, dress, or behave. These stereotypical âidealsâ can cause a lot of harm. (Over 91% of women, for example, feel unhappy with how they look. [43] ) Practice finding things to love about your body. Put sticky-notes with affirmations such as âYouâre beautifulâ or âYouâre awesomeâ on your mirrors. Embrace that bodies come in an infinite variety, and yours is unique to you.
- Make a list of your strengths. Be honest with yourself. Write down everything that you know or are good at, no matter how âminorâ it may seem to you. You can scuba-dive? Thatâs awesome. You can network with others on a team? Sweet! You can make a frozen pizza without burning down the kitchen? You made some good grades. You sing in the bath. Thatâs good too!
- Donât compare yourself negatively with others. Remind yourself of your options by listing and appreciating small, good or great fun moments that occur. Accept simple fun. For example, if you like to play games for a little while on Saturdays, donât let others tell you that youâre silly or âtoo oldâ for things that bring you fun and relaxation. As long as your activities donât cause you or other people pain or harm, donât feel guilty about doing things you like â no matter what other people suggest.
- Be realistic. If youâre five feet tall, your chances of stardom as a professional basketball player arenât great. Making realistic goals doesnât mean you have to limit yourself to what you know or can do now, just that you acknowledge your situation and abilities when youâre making your plans. [46]
- Keep your goals action-oriented. Itâs vital that you set goals that you can achieve. Remember that you canât control what anyone else does or thinks, only what you do. Donât set a goal that relies on othersâ actions for success. [47]
- Frame your goals positively. Youâre more likely to achieve your goals if theyâre framed as something youâre working toward, not something youâre running away from. [48] For example, if you want to exercise more, donât tell yourself to âStop sitting around so much.â This kind of goal statement is negative and will make you feel negative. Instead, choose a positive goal that emphasizes action: âTake a 30-minute walk three times a week.â
- Scientists have tried for years to develop a formula for happiness, and it turns out that being âchronically happyâ (that is, feeling that long-term satisfaction and contentment) does have a formula. Scientists estimate that the perfect formula goes something like this: 50% genetic factors (biology, brain chemistry, etc.), 10% circumstantial factors (income, job, living situation), and 40% intentional activity (what you choose to do and think regularly). [49] Choosing activities and experiences that are personally meaningful will really make a difference in your happiness level.
- The ability to choose is very important for happiness. In one study, participants either chose their own positive activity or had one assigned to them. The participants who chose their own activity and regularly participated in it were happier than participants who werenât allowed to choose their own. If you feel like your life is restricting your choices, try to find ways to incorporate more freedom in your life. [50]
- Studies have shown that feeling âawe,â or that feeling of overwhelming positivity when we see a beautiful work of art or visit a natural wonder, promotes happiness and well-being. [51] When you can, indulge in activities that promote that feeling of wonderment and amazement in your own life, such as listening to an incredible piece of music or going on a hike.
- Of course, you need to make enough money to meet basic needs â food, shelter, and clothing. If youâre living in poverty, you are far more likely to experience sadness and frustration than people who are economically comfortable, largely because of all the stress youâre under. [55] Once you make enough to support basic needs, however, your happiness is not significantly affected by how much money you make, but by your level of optimism. [56]
- Research has consistently shown that weâre more productive when weâre just outside our comfort zone. [58] This is called the zone of âoptimal anxiety,â and it pushes us to take risks and try harder because weâre unfamiliar with our situation. However, if you go too far outside your comfort zone too fast, your performance will plummet again. Look for a balance of stability and trying new things. [59]
- Taking risks and stepping outside your comfort zone offers many rewards. One of the most relevant for your happiness is increased resilience, or how you deal with unexpected challenges. By routinely challenging yourself to push past your comfort limits, you develop the adaptability and flexibility to handle change when it arises. [60]
- Smiling releases endorphins, which are associated with pain relief, and serotonin, which is associated with happy feelings.
- Remember that different cultures interpret smiling differently. For example, Russian culture views smiling at strangers in the street as suspicious, while Americans will readily smile at almost anyone. [62] Smile at others, but donât get offended if they donât return your gesture â they may just have different traditions than you do.
- Intuition can be honed by experience. For example, experienced nurses are often good at identifying symptoms in an individual and using a combination of their medical knowledge and intuition â built up from past experiences â to make the right decisions for their patients. [64] Obviously, if youâre a brand-new nurse, your intuition isnât going to be as good as someone with more experience. However, if youâre dealing with something that youâre pretty familiar with â or that doesnât have huge consequences â go with your gut. Youâll be right more often than not.
- Follow intuition in three domains or areas by using: your experience (heuristics); natural thinking relevantly, and incorporating your feeling, desires and satisfaction into decision-making. [65] âIntuitionâ includes how your brain automatically stores and processes information relevant to your life and how you handle events.
- Enjoy learning something on your own using your experiences (heuristics) â and draw on those experiences when making a decision.
- If you are trying to buy a new car, you already have a set of assumptions (schemas) you are taking with you into the decision-making process (domain) before you set foot at a dealership.
- You observe others' body language, vocal tone/inflections, moods and emotions (affect) associated with the decision you're attempting, and all contribute to your intuition, making your intuition more reliable than what some skeptics suggest. [66]
- Start with the small decisions first. Start with small decisions and practice following your gut so that you know exactly what following your intuition feels like. The more you practice this, the more in-tune you will be with that gut instinct.
- People who are physically active have higher incidences of enthusiasm and excitement. [68] Scientists hypothesize that exercise causes the brain to release chemicals called endorphins that elevate our mood.
- Eat right. Eating healthy foods â fruits and vegetables, lean meats and proteins, whole grains, nuts, and seeds â gives your body and brain the energy it needs to be healthy. Research indicates that unhealthy diets, especially those rich in processed carbohydrates, sugars, and industrial vegetable fats, is responsible for some cell death, brain shrinkage and contributes to certain diseases like depression and dementia. [69]
- Get enough restful sleep. Study after study confirms it: the more sleep you get, the happier you tend to be. [70] Getting just a single extra hour of sleep per night makes the average person happier than making $60,000 more in annual income, astoundingly enough. [71] Research has also showed that employees who get enough rest are more productive and successful. [72] So if you're middle-aged, shoot to get at least eight hours of sleep per night; the young and elderly should shoot for 9 to 11 hours of sleep per night. [73]
Method Three of Three:
Interacting with Others Edit
Stay close to friends and family. We live in a mobile society, where people follow jobs around the country and sometimes around the world. We do this because we think salary increases make us happier, but in fact, our relationships with friends and family have a far greater impact on happiness. So next time you think about relocating, consider that you'd need a salary increase of over $100,000 USD to compensate for the loss of happiness you'd have from moving away from friends and family.
- If it isnât possible to move closer to your loved ones, communicate with them regularly. Technology such as cell phones and Skype make it easy to stay in touch with the people you love even when theyâre on the other side of the world.
- Tutor, volunteer, or get involved in a church group. Countless children are looking for someone to teach them and act as a role model.
- Make a microloan. A microloan is when you give someone (usually in the developing world) a very small sum of money for an economic project of their own. Many microloans have 95%+ repayment rates. [76]
- Give a person in need food, clothing or shelter, if it would be safe. It's so basic, we often forget to think about it, yet so easy to do.
- Increase the happiness of those around you by giving small gifts. This will increase your happiness as well - in fact, the one giving the gift usually feels a larger pulse of dopamine (the neurotransmitter responsible for feeling happiness) than the person receiving the gift! [77]
- Try loving-kindness meditation. This type of meditation stems from Buddhist traditions that focus on increasing compassion for others. [78] Studies have shown that this type of meditation can reduce feelings of sadness and depression. [79] [80]
- Be a peacemaker. If your ideas and understandings would continue dissension in a family squabble, or in your group of friends, or at a meeting of an organization such as on the job in a workplace, or in a church group, do something else. Be agreeable as much as it is up to you, applying yourself where you can be happy without unnecessary argument, anger and discord. Don't insist on getting your way/preferences in a personality conflict, on shades of meaning and adversarial issues at the expense of the order and peace of the group and your own happiness.
- Interact with people who share your interests, and feel happier due to sensations of reward and well-being. This is because during such interactions, serotonin and dopamine â neurotransmitters responsible for feelings of happiness and relaxation â are released into the body. In other words, your body is designed to feel happier when engaged in social interactions. [81]
- Psychologist Arthur Aron has done a lot of work on how to generate meaningful communication between people. His work recently made a splash with the idea of â36 questions to fall in love.â While this media representation isnât quite the way the research works, Aronâs questions do ask deep, probing things about the other person, which leads to a stronger feeling of intimacy and connection. [83]
- Share your happiness with friends. Studies have shown that people who openly share their positive feelings with others have greater social connection than people who donât share. The next time you experience something wonderful, go start a conversation about it with a friend. Itâll bring you closer together and make you both happier. [84]
- If you have a positive outlook, you will make the best of any job; and if you have good relationships, you won't depend on your job for a sense of meaning. You'll find meaning in interactions with the people you care about. You'll use your job as a crutch instead of relying on it for meaning.
- Find your flow at work. Flow is a state of mind where a person is fully absorbed in what they are doing. They have next to no trouble concentrating on the activity because the activity is challenging enough to hold their attention but not so challenging that it exhausts them. This might not be possible for every activity you do, but find ways to make it happen frequently and try out different strategies to make it work. Some people find their flow by using a timer to keep them focused for a set amount of time and others find their flow by setting up the work environment a certain way. Find what works for you. Studies have shown that employees who can find their flow have greater work satisfaction. [86]
- This is not to say you shouldn't aspire to get a job that will make you happier; many people find that being on the right career path is a key determination in their overall happiness. It just means you should understand that the capacity of your job to make you happy is quite small when compared to your outlook and your relationships.
- Remember that forgiveness is something you do for you, not for the other person. Holding on to anger and hate can cause you immense hurt. And forgiveness doesnât mean denying that the other person did something wrong. For example, consider Auschwitz survivor Eva Kor, who has publicly forgiven the Nazi guard who kept her and many others imprisoned during the Holocaust. She has said, âI forgave the Nazis not because they deserve it but because I deserve it.â She forgave her abusers because she didnât want to carry the burden of anger with her, but they are still wrong for their actions. [90]
- Forgiveness also doesnât mean continuing to put up with mistreatment. You can forgive someone for treating you wrongly and still take steps to make sure they donât do it again.
- Think about what you want to forgive. How does that wrong make you feel? You may wish to write down your thoughts and feelings.
- Reflect on the experience. What could have been done differently? Can you learn from this experience? What would you want from the other person?
- Write a letter to the people you want to forgive. What did they do that hurt you and why are you forgiving them? What do you want for them now? Where do you stand in the relationship? You donât even have to mail these letters if you donât want to; simply writing them can be a way to express your forgiveness to yourself.
- Remember that forgiveness isnât conditional. If you make forgiveness contingent on a particular result or action, you could be waiting forever. It can be hard to forgive others because they may never admit or suffer consequences from their wrongdoing. Value forgiveness as a way to let go of something that can hurt you, not as a way to ensure anything happens to the other person.
- Forgiveness can be a very spiritual experience. Studies show a clear correlation between âstate forgivenessâ (the act of forgiving something), self-forgiveness, and a sense of sacredness. By practicing forgiveness, you may end up discovering something sacred about yourself or the world around you. [91]
- Feeling happy all the time would be wonderful; however, it isnât realistic. Humans have a broad range of emotions for every life occurrence, and although they donât all feel good in the moment, they are important in how we process thoughts and emotions, and how we cope and relate to others. Instead, strive for contentment, commitment, and perseverance
How do you learn to love yourself?
Answered by wikiHow Contributor
- Think about everything that makes you yourself. The good, the bad, everything. Make a list, write it all down. Every day, look at that list. Read it to yourself in the mirror. Think about yourself without any one of these qualities and see how different you would be. Don't care about what other people think of you. Just wake up every day with a smile and be the best you you can be.
How do I avoid negative thoughts?
Answered by wikiHow Contributor
- Practice repeating a positive thought to yourself every time you think a negative one. This will be tough at first, and it's best done alongside other mood elevation techniques. Try meditation, exercise, or doing something you love.
How do you become the person you wish to be?
Answered by wikiHow Contributor
- Consider the elements of your personality and talents that you most care about and that make you happy. Work on enhancing those and giving them the best opportunities to shine. Remember that all human beings are a balance though; some of your less desirable traits will surface on occasion but the trick is knowing how to manage them successfully.
Can I be happy without sex?
Answered by wikiHow Contributor
- Absolutely! Focus on your relationships with others, your hobbies, and the things you're grateful for. Plenty of celibate and asexual people lead happy and fulfilling lives.
I've moved to a new city and I'm lonely. How do I cheer myself up?
Answered by wikiHow Contributor
- Calls back home will only take you so far. Sieze opportunities to meet and befriend new people, including finding a group of people who share your hobby, or who will teach you a new one.
I have become a very negative person. How can I change this?
Answered by wikiHow Contributor
- Think about why you are being negative in the first place. Then, you might see it wasn't for the best reason ever. Also, "just be positive" is not a good way to think of this because you will feel pressured by positivity which will make you even more negative. When you start to think negative thoughts, catch yourself and either stop the thought process or attempt to change it into a more positive outlook.
How do I find out who I really am?
Answered by wikiHow Contributor
- What would you do if you had no obstacles and there was no chance of failure? Answer that question and you'll be on your way to figuring out your personal outlook and goals.
How can I be happy when my crush is in a relationship and she's the only one I care about?
Answered by wikiHow Contributor
- Find more people to care about. Focus on people you already know, and love them. Make new friends. and love them too. Love is not just a feeling: it is an action.
How do I overcome my fear of commitment?
Answered by wikiHow Contributor
- Get past the stereotype of the "relationship chains" and talk to your partner about what you each need from the relationship. If you can't break bad habits, visit a counselor.